LOVE, DESTINY

All kinds of nonsense have been written about love; all manner of romantic foolishness. Terms like “destiny” and “soul-mate” abound – the idea that there’s one perfect person out there for all of us, if only we can find them.

            The truth is you can be content with just about anyone. As long as two people are relatively sane, and share some common goals, you can make it work. It just takes a little effort.

            So, you stumbled into this thing because it was better than your previous situation – or better than being alone – that doesn’t matter. Time, familiarity and shared experience breed a deep affection. You may even come to believe you love this person who’s suffocating you.

            And anyway, before too long you’re depending on each other: you’ve rented an expensive flat; you’ve got furniture and appliances; you’re living beyond your means and the bills keep rolling in; your books and CDs are all mixed-up; things become your “our”; friends and family no longer view you as a person – only as part of a couple. With all that going on, it’s easy to think your lives are inextricably bound.

            Who cares that your own life is getting further and further away from how you’d pictured it? No-one but you will notice. So what if every faltering step you take in the direction of those quickly fading ideals is sabotaged by something your partner does? It’s not really that important that this person doesn’t nurture the better nature you know lives inside you.

            And hey, if they keep making stupid decisions that affect your life without consulting you, well, that’s just the way it goes. Compromise; you can make it work. You can be content.

            But then you see that other; the one who strikes you like a thunderbolt on first sight. Suddenly content is harder. Should you ever actually spend some time together, then content is out of the question.

            Sure, you can try lying to yourself. Go on, try. Just makes things worse, doesn’t it? You can stand on principle – and on the expectations of others – that won’t do any long term damage; won’t sink your relationship with your partner like a torpedoed tanker.

            Now you’re worse-off than ever. Reality puts on a mask and makes night-raids on your unconscious. And daytime’s even more confusing. If only you hadn’t met that other person.

            After your relationship has imploded, you take a while to put yourself together. You might even go on a few dates. It doesn’t work. None of them are that one. Knowing that person exists, you can’t bring yourself to make the effort with anybody else.

            So you live with it. Maybe one day it’ll happen, but you’re not waiting for it. You’d rather be alone than “content”. If only you hadn’t met that other one; then you’d never have realised.

            All kinds of nonsense have been written about love; all manner of romantic foolishness – and it’s all true.