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Saturday, 25 April 2015

ANZAC's Lost Meaning

In Martin Place pre-dawn chill the Last Post’s last note fades. An Australian choir sings an English song – Kipling’s Imperial Hymn – that shuffles bent with age.

Lest we forget.

Governors and premiers, vicars and priests, MPs and generals and admirals and their spouses, schoolkids and veterans and soldiers still on call raise chapped, pink faces to the cenotaph. Cold bronze sentries stand mute.

Lest we forget

A solemn murmur from this place ripples, out to others ringing a thousand memorials. Rippling mumbles like Sunday Catholics. Uncomprehending psalmody. Words so oft-repeated the meaning is lost.

We will remember them, lest we forget.

Lest we forget the soldiers, known and unknown – the boys in khaki boatloads steaming for Far side of Earth.

Lest we forget they died for no good reason, butchered and burned before Empire’s empty tabernacles.

Lest we forget politicians and popes, kings and queens and newspaper barons, waving them off with slogans and keeping the home fires burning. Lest we forget we cheered them to their deaths.

Lest we forget how seductive is drum beating, bugle blowing, flag waving, myth making. Lest we forget the cost when nations equate their character and pride with war.

Lest we let our alliances draw our sons and daughters to foreign lands to die in wars that are not ours.

Lest we forget those foreign lands’ inhabitants, too, are human beings – that the cartoon bombs on news TV embed themselves in communities, in streets, in homes.

Lest we forget a life is a life, in Baghdad or Saigon or in Sydney.

Lest we forget invasion is invasion.

Lest we become accomplices, aiders, abettors.

Lest we forget to think before we fight. Lest we fall for conjuring tricks and causes. Lest we think we can know and impose Right.

Lest we forget and let ourselves believe

the old Lie: Dulce et decorum est
Pro patria mori.

Lest we render their sacrifice vain, we will remember them.

Lest we forget.

Saturday, 27 September 2014

PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE LITTLE STATUSES AND MEMES

Lots of passive-aggressive little Facebook memes and status updates. Every day, news feed jammed with the bleating of moral and emotional cowards.
Look at me please.
Watch me eat my cake and have it.
You? Oh, no! I didn’t mean you!
Eat my plausible deniability and choke.
If you have to resort to guilt-tripping someone on Facebook or twitter to make them behave well or get them involved in your life, chances are, they either: don’t really want to be in your life; don’t really deserve to be in your life; or were never really there to begin with.
Or vice versa. Any of the above.
Or, if you actually care about a person and your relationship with them, try this . . .
Try pretending it’s 1998. Pick up the telephone. Pretend it’s attached to the wall, or only has a few minutes of talk time in its enormous battery. Pretend there is no SMS or social media. Pretend they might be dead tomorrow. Call them.
Better yet, arrange to meet them somewhere. Look them in the eye and use words. Gestures. Communicate.
Be honest.
Be a human being.
Stop being a pussy.


Monday, 18 August 2014

PAEDOPHILE PRIESTS - What the Royal Commission Won't Say


The sex-abuse Royal Commission is in the news again today. They’re chasing down Cardinal Pell’s hush money.

The money was difficult to claim, implied no admission of responsibility by the church, and was used by some victims to kill themselves with drugs or alcohol. It’s an important strand for the commission to follow.

But it’s not the most important.

You’re unlikely to learn the most important facet of church sex-abuse by following the Hearings. I’ve come to believe it’s related to the Catholic doctrine of original sin.

Paedophile priests were protected. Their superiors hushed up their crimes and moved them on to different communities. Was this done to shield the church from scandal? Yes. To preserve the reputations of cardinals, bishops and monsignors? Absolutely. To shift the problem on to some other bishop’s patch? Almost certainly.

But there’s something uglier lurking underneath. Something inseparable from the old-style Irish Catholicism that infected so much of this country.

It’s the idea that the child is somehow to blame.

The idea that the offender is a good man tempted. Remove him from the source of that temptation and all will be well – for everyone who counts, that is. It was the child’s fault.

For a victim, that stays with you. It colours your entire world view. It does more damage than the original assault.

You carry it into every relationship you will ever have. The certainty that you don’t deserve to be there. That you’re never going to be good enough. That you don’t deserve to be loved. That if only you can be better, then maybe you won’t be hurt again. That if you are hurt, then you’ve earned it.

Of course, you don’t understand all this as a child. That’s the beauty part – you get to think about it for decades.

It’s where the real damage is done.

It’s the ugly scar that grows over the wound.

And, while the Royal Commission carries on, it’s worth remembering.



Friday, 15 August 2014

YOU GOTTA PAY YOUR DUES

Been writing music for the first time in years. Well, writing lyrics and arranging songs from snatches of music sent to me by a genius I know (the internet, the artist’s friend).
But I’m not a musician.
That’s not a title I’ve earned. And I have too many friends who have earned it; who’ve sweated for years, working crappy day jobs and burning their nights pursuing the dream; working the muso’s version of a day job, playing stuff they can’t stand in hope they can one day be paid to play what they love; playing elevator music to the drunk or uninterested in restaurants, museums and auction rooms; never giving up, always hustling.
No, I’m not a musician. I’m a guy who plays music.
I am a writer, though. A poet. Those, I’ve earned.
For far too long I lived a life far uglier than it should have been – but it was never pointless, never futile.
Through it all, I maintained a habit formed as a teenager. I carried a notebook, and I wrote it down. Impressions, conversations, descriptions – even with no aim in mind, you write it.
And, it turns out, you can scribble your way to sanity. To perspective. To a direction. Things come together.
Things come together.
But you have to do it.
Whether you’re an artist or an entrepreneur, a tradesman, a salesperson or an astronaut; whether it’s work or family, friendship or love, the world will cut you quite a bit of slack to get your shit together. Sometimes the world will even help.
But the world has to see you doing it.
Think about it, certainly. Talk about it too, if that helps, or don’t. But do it.
You have to pay your dues.


Tuesday, 10 June 2014

TEASER - The Last Man

A tiny taste, for anyone who may have wondered, of what I’ve been working on this year – instead of, you know, the morbidly introspective or shouty political blog posts.
Creating worlds is harder than fretting or bitching about the one you’re in, but infinitely more rewarding.

The priest I could have written myself. His appearance, that is. Had I written his character I’d have made him less virtuous – or at least more corruptible. But no, this was a man who earnestly sought to do good.
Thought at first this made him an idiot. Who knew such a heart could co-exist with such a mind? and in such a body – built so strong, so handsome almost, so seeming normal sitting behind his desk. Then he hoists himself and ambles on little crooked legs and you notice the outsize head, the shoulders all skewiff as he proffers that muscular handshake, smiling warm from somewhere near your navel.
So here he is, God’s little joke, welcoming me to my new home. And he’s gushing about clean air, expansive grounds and freshly renovated buildings, about exercise and contemplation, freedom and light. He speaks about freedom to heal. Not only a priest but a doctor as well, my gaoler; a scientist – possibly even a Christian – and he’s proud of his experiment.
Now he’s rehearsing his philosophy of healing.
“I’ve seen such cruelty,” he says. “Cruelty you can’t imagine.”
A hazardous occupation, I think, to guess at the limits of another’s imagination.
Doctor priest’s office opens on a terrace where we sit drinking tea, which he pours. Don’t know what part food plays in his theories but, today at least, there are pastries and cake. I sip tea and feed on cake and taste his clean air whilst he talks, and listen to the rustling leaves that hedge his expansive grounds.
“Here, we don’t believe in locking the unfortunate away and forgetting about them.” I wonder if all new inmates get this speech, or if it’s just because I’m special. “What good does it do for the insane to be treated like prisoners, to be shut up in the dark with only their illness for company?”
I am not insane, believe that. I always know exactly what I’m doing – even if I don’t know why.
“After all, insanity isn’t a crime is it, Donatien?” He uses my first name, not my title or “citizen”.
I mouth something agreeable and continue to think about his cassock. Did he have it made to order, or simply shorten an ordinary one? It’s a fetish of the soldier who rules us now that all government and church officials should be identifiable by their uniforms. Gone is the fashion of revolution. Suppose it’s easier for a deformed priest to find a cassock than a suit. Gaiters would still be a problem, though . . . .

Hoped it would be the priest showed me to my lodgings. Don’t walk so easily these days and he’d have set a less arduous pace. The big orderly he sends me off with is kind enough, takes it slow and keeps pausing  as we traverse the hall, ascend the staircase and turn left at the first floor corridor, but I feel I should go faster nonetheless. My cell is at the end of the corridor, looking out from the château’s rear corner.
            I say cell, but it’s really a suite of rooms. Kind of thing I might have rented in the city if I didn’t require privacy. The servants have brought up my luggage while the priest and I talked. Could only bring the minimum but I’ll ask my son to send along my books and some tapestries, and maybe a nicer chair and a couch for the sitting room. I'll need my writing desk. My mistress has my engravings and some other little comforts. I can do all this. It’s not important to my persecutors that I suffer, only that I stay.
            Beneath my window the estate runs down to the river’s edge, trees and walks – I spy some of my new neighbours taking the afternoon air and sun under supervision. Equidistant in the opposite direction the road passes by, meandering to the city.
           
“The brain is like any other organ,” the dwarf priest had said. “All is connected. If the mind is hurt, the body cries out; if the body is suffering, the mind rebels. Don’t you agree, Donatien?”
            “Yes, abbé,” I told him. “That makes sense.”
            “Here, we believe in treating both. We believe with the right balance of activity and rest, kindness and discipline, community and quiet reflexion, we assist nature in simply taking its course. Do you see? Above all, we don’t believe there are any incurables. All our charges, with the proper treatment, can achieve some measure of felicity and usefulness to society – whether it’s inside these walls or out.”
            Walls . . . and so endeth the presentation.
            “I can see already you’re a reasonable man, Donatien. I knew not to believe everything that’s been said about you. I think you’ll be comfortable with us.”
            At least he didn’t say, happy.
            I’m tired. Thankfully the bed looks serviceable. We started out before dawn this morning and I need my exercise, then sleep. Nature takes its course.
            Have some thinking to do. I am not made for chains, or even silken bonds. Mustn’t become complacent.
            They will not keep me here.

Wednesday, 12 March 2014

CARRY

There’s a story old women tell in Eastern Europe or the Middle-East. I can’t remember which and it doesn’t really matter. A story told by old women in one of those places where old women – mothers and grandmothers, sisters and wives – understand suffering.
I may embellish it in the telling, but that doesn’t really matter either.
The things that have hurt you, the old women say, will never leave you. They talk about a box.
You can’t keep that pain inside all the time, nor can you keep looking at it, so you put it in a box. You can’t rid yourself of it, but it can no longer touch you. It’s part of you but outside you.
You’re attached to the box – maybe by an umbilical cord. To move anywhere you have to carry it. Occasionally, it will get too heavy – you’ve been living life one-handed – and you’ll have to set it down.
This is when you stop, open the box, and remind yourself what’s inside. You remind yourself it’s real, a part of you, and that you’ve been able to bear it.
There will be more in the box than last time you looked. If you’ve been paying attention the new pain will be different. Variety is important here – you don’t need to carry too much of any one thing.
If you’ve been paying attention you’ll have learned not to let anyone load you up unnecessarily.
You’ll also have noticed you can’t carry anyone else’s box and nobody can carry yours – but by some mystery the right two people can make each other’s seem lighter.
You breathe deep, close the box, pick it up with one hand and – holding, if you’re lucky, someone else’s free hand in your own – you carry on.
Nice story.


Friday, 31 January 2014

HEAD

“I am the warm little centre that the life of the universe crowds around”
 – Chuck Palahniuk
Fight Club

This is fantastic! Why did nobody tell me?!
Technology delivers on paradise promise.
Early adopter I am not. If not Luddite, suspicious and nostalgic. Wary eyes in undergrowth. Let others eat the berries. No need iron, still have plenty stones . . .
Have a laptop these days. Mobile phone (Nokia 5110) inserted in typewriter wouldn’t connect to interweb. Made typing hard.
Have smart phone too now. Smarter than me. Nokia second hand. Nicely three years ago.
Touch screen no. But . . .
iPod!
iPod iPod! iPod! (Microsoft spell-check recognises not)
Used to have walkman. Discman. Clunky. Junky. Battery eating unwieldy drop and break it chew cassettes and scratch CDs. Bleh. Leave at home.
Left at mercy of world. Had to pay attention.
iPod. Fits right in pocket. Own little world next to house keys. Music best injected straight in head and mixed in brain. Outside a vague hum between tracks. Everything bliss.
Street life glides by a mime removed.
What’s that, man at bus stop, whisper lips and charades? You like to kiss your fingertips? Oh, you’d like me to kiss your fingertips? No, thank you. I’ll just walk over here and finish my cigarette.
Yes, woman outside train station, that is a nice palm. You should be proud of it. I’ll be here again tomorrow. Maybe you can show me the other one . . .
Supermarket scrum. All out of courtesy, so everyone wants that last mango. Escalator dominoes. Sonically beta-blocked flat line bp. A sweet smile and fuck off outta my way. Machine gun Zen.
Phone rings out in pocket vacuum.
Autistic Valhalla.
Untouchable.
Uh-oh, bus.

Thursday, 30 January 2014

IT'S LIKE . . . .

Funny. Baby Boomers hate like.
Everywhere, cafes and pubs, restaurants, buses and trains, newspaper tweets-and-letters (ha ha) pages, late night talk radio and early morning breakfast TV, Baby Boomers hating like. Hating like in bottle shops and newsagents, supermarkets and cinema queues.
Funny.
It, like, wasn’t invented last week.
It, like, didn’t spring into the vernacular when twelve year-olds noticed it – like – on facebook.
Like? It was punctuation long before Boomers began bemoaning the death of language.
It was, sort of (like), prefigured in nadsat, the argot of Anthony Burgess’ novel about a bright but self-absorbed kid whose priorities get all fucked up.
In the sixties.
Funny.
Like. It passed into popular use via the post-war generation in America.
Middle class white kids seeking place.
Trying to sound like the Beats but lacking their ideas or vocabulary.
Wanting to sound like urban blacks but bereft of their playful inventiveness.
Bereft of imagination.
Take drugs and say things like like instead. Like. Groovy.
Hatching, the like grew up and gave us weasel words and management-speak.
Boomers hate like love weasel words.
Cuckoo.


Friday, 22 November 2013

Wierdness - DEAD PRESIDENTS

The first US president to be assassinated was Abraham Lincoln in 1865. The last – so far – was John F Kennedy, fifty years ago today. A century separated the two men’s election – 1860 for Lincoln, Kennedy in 1960.
Most Americans still refuse to believe Kennedy’s killer, Lee Harvey Oswald, acted alone, insisting he was either framed or part of a conspiracy. Curiously, many believe a lone nut did murder Lincoln – whose assassination actually was part of a documented plot[*].
Kennedy’s death was quickly followed by the swearing in of Vice President Johnson; thus, he became the first southerner to hold the office of president since Lincoln was succeeded by his VP – Johnson[†].
Both Presidents Johnson, governing in difficult times, became increasingly unpopular and mistrusted. Bitter, facing opposition from within their own parties and almost certain defeat, neither sought a second term.




[*]John Wilkes Booth was head of a small group of radicals and Confederate spies. They planned, initially, to kidnap Lincoln on the road to his summer residence and hold him to ransom for the South’s independence. When the President’s travel plans were cancelled, they settled on a synchronised round of executions to decapitate the Union Government.
While Booth was shooting Lincoln, Secretary of War Stanton was set upon in his bed – where he’d been recuperating from a carriage accident. Stanton escaped serious injury but his son was stabbed wrestling with the attacker, who fled.
Secretary of State Seward survived because his would-be assassin lost his nerve at the last moment.

[†]Andrew Johnson of Tennessee. Kennedy’s successor was, of course, Lyndon Baines Johnson of Texas. 

Thursday, 21 November 2013

More Historical Weirdness - W and Q

The United States, thanks to the vagaries of its Electoral College, has had two presidents elected without winning the popular vote. Both were sons of two-term vice presidents, later single-term presidents, of the same name.
Both rejected the appellation “Junior”, instead distinguishing themselves from their fathers by their middle name or initial – John Quincy Adams, and George W Bush.
The fathers were both vice president to popular two-termers, succeeded to the presidency, and lost after one term to slippery characters who also shared a name – John Adams was vice president to George Washington, and lost to Thomas Jefferson; George Bush served Ronald Reagan before losing to William Jefferson Clinton.
Both fathers were hampered in re-election by a decidedly odd third-party candidate. In the case of Bush, snr, it was eccentric millionaire Ross Perot. For John Adams, it was Aaron Burr of New York – who later not only killed a Founding Father in a duel, but also tried to make himself Emperor of Mexico.
There, the comparison ends. John Quincy Adams served just one term. Like his father, he suffered from an inability to play populist or party politics. His presidency, however, was only a comma in a long, distinguished career.
Entering the Diplomatic Service in his teens, he played important roles in the Netherlands, Prussia, Russia and Britain. At home he served in Congress and cabinet. It was Adams who largely conceived and negotiated the modern boundaries of the continental United States. Returning to Congress after the presidency he was an early, lonely voice in the fight against slavery. He finally died, at an advanced age, on his feet on the floor of the House.
George W Bush, of course, won re-election to a second term. It was hardly important, though. He did all the damage in his first.


Friday, 15 November 2013

Short Flights of Historical Weirdness: DID YOU HEAR THE ONE ABOUT THE IRISH JAILBREAK?


File under, “Irish inventions that sound stupid till you find out they actually worked”:
On 3 February, 1919, Michael Collins[1] and Harry Boland[2] broke Eamon de Valera[3] out of Lincoln Gaol in England.
Exactly how did Harry and the Big Fellow manage it, to whisk the leader of Ireland’s rebel government away from His Majesty’s boarding-house? They used files and a duplicate key, of course.
Files and a duplicate key they had smuggled into the prison ahead of time . . . baked inside four cakes.
Not exactly a submarine with a screen-door, now, is it?




[1]1890–1922: Legendary figure of the Irish War of Independence; signatory to the Anglo-Irish Treaty (6 December, 1921); head of the first Irish Free-State Government. Ambushed by anti-Treaty guerrillas and killed in the ensuing fire-fight, 22 August, 1922.

[2]Collins’ friend and collaborator; joint party-secretary, Sinn Fein, and president of Irish Republican Brotherhood (1918); minister in rebel Irish cabinet. Sided with de Valera against Collins, joining Republican MPs who walked out of the Dail (Irish Parliament) in protest against the Treaty. Killed fighting against government forces in the opening days of the Civil War, 31 July, 1922.

[3]1882–1975: Statesman and revolutionary. Born in New York of a Spanish artist father and Irish mother; raised in Ireland by his grandmother and an uncle.
Commanded a battalion of Irish National Volunteers in the doomed Easter Rising (Dublin, 1916); the only commander to escape execution, thanks to his American birth; rose to prominence in the rising’s aftermath.
President of Ireland during War of Independence; resigned in protest when the Dail approved the Anglo-Irish Treaty; fought against the provisional government in the Civil War (1922–3).
After defeat in the war formed Fianna Fail party (1926), taking most Sinn Fein supporters with him; head of Irish government, 1932–48, 1951–4, and 1957–9. In 1937 promulgated a new constitution establishing the Republic of Eire.
President of Eire, 1959–73.

Saturday, 2 November 2013

ANSWERS TO A FRIEND'S TWO QUESTIONS or Portraits of the Artist as Old Man and Young Twat


My friend, Parkstreet, has a project going at the moment. He’s asking people to conduct two interviews – one with their eighteen year-old self, one with themself at eighty.
To participate, go to:
Here’s my effort.

I
Answering the first question involves two trips back in time. Or, more precisely, one trip, two different locations.
            One on one, eighteen year old me is attentive and philosophical. He doesn’t tell me what he thinks of me. Instead, he listens. He lets me talk about myself and asks thoughtful questions. He likes to help people feel good about themselves, but also to see themselves – the better to make their own decisions. Besides, he doubts his ability to say anything intelligent or useful.
So he talks in clichés. The closest he comes to actual advice, or judgement, is, “Do you know what you’re good at? Are you doing it? Then keep it up. The rest will sort itself out.”
             I’m tempted to offer some advice of my own; to nudge him in a direction conducive to my own well-being. He’s a sweet-natured kid and, given what he’s been through already, I’d like to spare him some of what’s coming.
I resist the urge. Sure, if he thinks I’m his friend I could get him to do just about anything – others have and will – but it wouldn’t stick, and later he’d resent it. Beneath the gentle acquiescence he’s a stubborn, rebellious creature; telling him what to do is a sure way to get him to do the opposite. He learns best when he learns for himself, even if he has to repeat the experiment a few times to be certain.
            That’s the private interview. If we meet in company, things go a little differently. For a start, he’s probably drinking. He still asks questions and listens to the answers, but he’s not being helpful. He’s scanning me for weakness. Petulantly chain-smoking, gazing out half-face and heavy-lids from behind a wall of dark hair, he waits for the chance to cut me off at the knees in front of an audience. That, to him, is being clever.
            He doesn’t know why he dislikes me, he just does. It’s instinctive. Maybe I remind him too much of the guy described above. Anyway, he’s surprised we’re still alive at my age and for some reason holds it against me.
He already makes more money than I do. That’s not important to him right now, but in a year or two he’ll think it is. I want to tell him, just to see the look on his face, how much time he’s about to spend in sales and marketing. To this half-baked idealist – who, on a camp-bed on the building site where he labours, fills candle-lit notebooks with bad poetry – that constitutes a monstrous sell-out.
He’s mildly surprised that we married, and so young, though not surprised the marriage broke down. That’s what marriages do.
My mobile phone on the table elicits a sneer. So does the news that I’m on speaking terms again with our father. He’s disappointed we didn’t do more with music. He’s pleased we’re still writing, but doesn’t think I’m doing it right; still believes art should turn the world upside-down. I think art reflects the world or turns it inside-out.
The conversation doesn’t go very far. Eventually, he abandons trying to make me look like an idiot. Instead, when I respond to some bit of pseudo-Nietzschean twaddle with the observation that Nietzsche was a great writer, but also a syphilitic loon, he just loses it and takes a swing at me with his chair. A bouncer and a barman wrestle him out the door.
In the end, who cares what this asshole thinks? Not me.

II
The old man opens the door and ushers me inside. We could have met at a cafe – or in the abstract for that matter – but he wanted me to see where he lives.
            He’s still nearly as tall as me; not at all stooped (I’ve already been thanked for taking better care of myself, especially our teeth). And he still has his hair.
            He doesn’t say if he owns the apartment, but whoever does obviously looks after it. There is no mould or broken fittings. His furniture’s nicer than mine. Not new, but well made.
            From the corner of my eye, in one of the rooms off the hallway, I think I see a woman. I can’t tell if she’s real or only the shadow of a ghost of a memory. I don’t ask – for the same reason I don’t look for photos of a wife, kids or grandchildren.
             “This is where I work,” he says, showing me in to his study. I recognise from my own library some of the books lining the walls, and he’s added two- or three-times as many again. Some, on a little shelf near the desk, are his own. The desk faces away from the window. He indicates two armchairs and we sit.
            “I’ll be as brief as I can,” he begins. “Since you’re short on time.”
            “I am?”
            “Yes, you are. Where are you now, exactly? Thirty-eight? Okay. You’ve arrived at an important point. You’ve done some hard work in the last eighteen months, but now you’re flailing.
            “You’ve gotten clean and done a lot to straighten your head out. Congratulations. But you’ve fallen in to your old familiar trap – trying to do what you feel you should do, at the same time as what you think others think you should do. And, surprise, surprise, you’re fucking them both up.”
            While speaking he’s been looking over my shoulder at nothing in particular. Now, for the first time, he fixes me from under a raised eyebrow. “You’re really not as stupid as all that,” he jabs. “You know that leads right back to the hole you’ve just tunnelled out of.
            “You’re new to doing what’s good for you, so let me help. The people you care about only want to see you do well, whatever it is you do, so choose a road.
            “That angry smart-arse you still carry inside had one thing going for him – once he made a decision he sure as hell got things done. You don’t need to like him, just use him.
            “You know you can live on almost nothing. Do it for another six months and work at something you can be proud of. You’ve got the beginning and the end of a decent novel; write the middle. You’ll either succeed or you won’t – you can always whore yourself later. Demand for proofreaders and content-hacks won’t dry up any time soon.
            “You’re fantastic in a crisis and fuck-all use any time else, so pretend you don’t have any option. Because you don’t. It’s either self respect, or making just enough lucre to destroy yourself. Make your crises worthwhile.”
            He stands and curtly guides me back up the hall.
            “What else can I say? Don’t spend too much time alone – You don’t notice so much, but others notice it on you. Be kind to your family. Make time for your friends.
            “And, oh,” he winks as he closes the door. “Try to keep me in mind.”

Friday, 1 November 2013

LEE HARVEY OSWALD

Oswald killed Kennedy.
That simple statement, three weeks out from the fiftieth anniversary of the event, remains more controversial than it needs to be. In any group of five people it’s likely at least two will vehemently disagree, while a third – and possibly a fourth – will have “unanswered questions”.
It was the CIA. It was the Mob. It was pro-Castro Cubans. It was anti-Castro Cubans. It was the military-industrial complex. It was some combination of the above – maybe all of them. There were two gunmen. There were four. Even Lyndon Johnson, Kennedy’s successor, didn’t “discount the possibility” of a conspiracy – commies, of course (Johnson himself was yet another at whom the finger has been pointed).
All the conspiracy theories ignore one important piece of evidence: the person of Lee Harvey Oswald. Once you understand a little about this enigmatic figure, hidden for fifty years in plain sight, no further explanation is required. The assassination can be seen for what it was – a simple, senseless act of murder.
Why is it important? Stick around, I’ll tell you later.

Profile

Loner. Misfit. Malcontent. Ideologue. All the usual clichés apply. Father, either absent or brutal. Mother, by turns indulgent and manipulative (Interestingly, while the first mass-media assassination has yielded interview upon interview with just about anyone who was in Dallas that day, there are precious few with Mrs Oswald. She always demanded money first).
He was nobody’s dupe, nobody’s patsy, nobody’s sleeper-agent. These demand either gross stupidity or respect for an authority beyond oneself. Oswald possessed neither.
Here was a guy who taught himself Russian, then read the classics, before defecting to the Soviet Union. His diary entries from the return trip reveal profound disillusionment. He’d hoped to discover a paradise of freedom and equality. Instead he found hypocrisy – just another society where, in his eyes, the politico-military elite oppressed the people by means of centralised government. He could have that back at home.
It’s at about this time, it seems, that his thoughts began to coalesce. No definite plan yet, but the germ of an idea. If the world was going to change, he’d have to strike the blow himself.

Objections and Evidence

Conspiracists raise countless objections to Oswald being the shooter or, if he was, to the idea he acted alone. I’ll deal, briefly, with just three.
First and most famous, the “magic bullet” – also known as the “pristine bullet” due to its being, it is said, improbably intact after doing impossible damage. This, Oliver Stone notwithstanding, is nonsense. Repeated computer reconstructions and ballistic experiments have shown a single bullet would not only follow the course described in (what doubters call) the official version, but would arrive in much the same condition.
The first objection intersects the second. We’ll call it “Back, and to the left” – Oswald couldn’t be the only gunman because of the nature of the wound, and the way the President’s body reacted to the head-shot. There had to have been a second sniper, in front of the motorcade, on the grassy-knoll.
Again, live-fire experiments – on everything from ballistics gel to live goats to gel-packed human skulls – have reproduced identical wound-patterns with a shot from behind.
And then, as he had on most days for twenty-five years, Kennedy was wearing a back-brace. The Zapruder film shows what happened. At the moment of impact the President’s head pitches forward for an instant. Then the combined force of the exiting bullet, the back-brace restraining his torso, and his skull exploding like an overripe watermelon, jerks him upright and back as he slumps over sideways. Isaac Newton would have understood.
Finally, we’re told that Oswald possessed neither the time nor the skill to make the shots. To the contrary, Oswald, an ex-marine, was a proficient marksman. He had a serviceable rifle with a telescopic sight. He had an excellent firing position with good visibility and little cross-wind. He had a clear target moving slowly along his line of vision. And he had seven-point-one seconds to discharge the three recorded shots.
These facts alone – viewed dispassionately – render flights of fancy about magic bullets, doppelgangers and puffs of smoke on the grassy-knoll superfluous.

Oswald’s Razor

Lee Harvey Oswald was an incurable malcontent. He held strident yet amorphous political views, based on not only the rejection but the destruction of all authority. Abortive attempts to find his place in the world – the Marine Corps; Russia; a rejected application for residency in Mexico – fuelled a growing resentment.
Reeling from one frustration to the next, he began to lash out. Oswald frequented various, often opposing, political organisations, causing trouble wherever he went. Seven months before the Kennedy killing he fired a bullet into the Dallas home of Major-General Edwin A Walker. Walker (unlike Kennedy, unencumbered by a surgical corset) was able to take cover. Thwarted again, Oswald went back to trouble-making – until fate delivered the most powerful man in the world to the street under his window.
As we’ve seen, there is no good reason to believe Oswald didn’t kill the President. The School Book Depository was immediately searched, and an improvised sniper’s nest discovered at the sixth-floor corner window.
Descriptions – and the name – of a man seen leaving the area led, within the hour, to Oswald being stopped in the street by patrolman JD Tippet. In front of witnesses, he shot Tippet four times. Lest there be any doubt about the eyewitness accounts, they led officers to a cinema nearby. Here, Oswald was arrested, still holding a gun. The chain of events is incontrovertible.

Unseen Hands

So, why is any of this important? Belief in conspiracy theories is rarely harmless. At best, it distracts us from real problems. At worst it leads to dangerous extremes.
It’s a palliative, a white-noise ego massage. We’re in on the secret. We know the truth but are relieved of responsibility. “They” are much too powerful – we can do nothing but bleat.
Whether it’s the Kennedy assassination, the charge that the Royal Family killed Princess Diana, or the belief that the US Government caused 9/11, conspiracist-thinking can have unforeseen consequences.
The first two instances – leaving aside the simple, human pain of those caught in the crossfire – have led to endless inquiries, chasing absurd leads, employing public resources that could be much better used elsewhere.
The third is more interesting. While millions believe the Bush Administration carried-out the 9/11 attacks, the Administration’s own belief in a global Islamist conspiracy diverted its attention from the small group that actually did the deed – leading them to invade Iraq in search of non-existent weapons of mass destruction.
Conspiracy theories come in many flavours. Which ones we choose to believe is dictated by our political, social, intellectual or ethnic prejudices.
Fifty years on from Dallas, we’re also seventy-odd years from a bigger, more brutal event that scarred the twentieth-century.
It’s worth pausing to reflect on just what, in favourable circumstances, can be accomplished by a small, angry man with big ideas.
And on what can happen when enough, otherwise rational, people give credence to the notion that history is directed by unseen, all-powerful hands.